Monthly Archives: October 2012

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It's 1:07 AM and I can't sleep.

My head is stuffy, but I don't think that keeps me awake.  I went to sleep at a good time, after telling you goodnight- with you as a fifteen year old for the last time.  I closed my eyes for just a moment and then awoke to look at the clock and it was 12:13.

You're sixteen.

Just like that.

I'd barely dozed off it felt.

I've been awake now for an hour and time is passing much more slowly.  Time passes unaware when you're sleeping. Time passes quickly when you're in a constant rush to do life too.

I'm thankful for this time since 12:13 when time has seemed still; like there's a moment to soak in the present. Thank you God for time to reflect on the beauty of the past.

That's what I'm doing here in the wee hours of the morning.

I'm thinking of how grateful I am to God for you.  I'm flipping through pictures in my mind; some where you're tall and lanky with that head full of hair, and another where you're covered by nothing more than a diaper and brownie batter.

I'm thinking back to those first moments of your birth.  I remember looking at you for the first time, and you at me with your wide-eyes.  It wasn't an introduction; it was more as if we'd known each since the beginning of time. And I remember how when you were just but a few days old, it seemed like life before you was nonexistent.  From the instant you were born your tiny fingers grabbed on to life.  Since then you have held my heart.

I'm thankful for this stillness.   I'm reminded that though we sleep and make haste in life, there are those sweet moments when time has slowed to a crawl....

For it seems you blink and sixteen years have passed.

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Gifts wrapped in prayer for an almost sixteen year old

Hunger

Amazement

You

Discernment

Endurance

Nobility

Nobility comes from NO ABILITY of your own.

I say to the LORD,

"You are my LORD;

apart from you I have no good thing."

Psalm 16:2

Anyway, it sounds funny saying "nobility"...  It sounds as if I'm referring to a prince.  I guess I am.  While a guy would never admit to aspirations of becoming a prince, it's this mother's prayer that her son would be noble.

Everybody knows a prince is simply a child of the King. Becoming a prince involves no merit.  BEING a prince is an entirely different story.  Prince Harry of Whales is a great example of this concept. He easily became a prince, but acting like one has proven far more difficult.  Then again, Prince Harry didn't have the best example in a father.

Great princes and great kings come from great fathers.

Hayden, I think you have a pretty good example in a father.  You also have a long line of noble men in your life to follow after.

Learn their story.

 

 

The Bible is full of Kings, namely Josiah, King David and King Solomon whose character is marked not by what they did, but by a love for God, their father.

By salvation you have become a prince, but outstanding character is the true mark of nobility. Outstanding character isn't gained alone. Nobility is not self taught. Jesus, though tempted, is the perfect example as he walked perfectly providing footsteps to direct our path.

Nobility is learned, maybe even granted

by watching your father closely

by listening intently

and following along the best you know how

with your father right beside you.

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Gifts wrapped in prayer for an almost sixteen year old

Hunger

Amazement

You

Discernment

Endurance

N

I could start making a list of your victories.  I could go to your big plastic keepsake bin in the garage and pull out the wrinkled ribbons you won for storytelling and throwing the football. I could look at the small trophies you received for Flag football or a season of Upwards Basketball or soccer. I have videos that show you scoring in those games. Those are fun memories.

Still, your ribbons, certificates and trophies don't hold great weight in the becoming of you.

When I think of the young man you're becoming, my mind goes to trials that you have suffered. The wisdom of Romans 5:3-4 tells me that it was those sufferings that produced endurance; the ability to keep on keeping on.

I remember watching you in second grade trying out for your yellow belt in martial arts. I remember inwardly tensing as I watched.  You knew the positions and  kicks, but you didn't know your left from your right, literally, and it cost you.  You didn't pass your yellow belt test; and for that you received a yellow belt with a big black stripe on it.

I was angry at your instructor.  I remember thinking that your inability to know left from right had no bearing on your form.  You were almost as crushed as I was.

You had to train for another six weeks or so before testing again; in my mind putting you behind the other students.  You passed and were on your way to earning that green belt.

As I am writing, I had to look up the color order to make sure I remembered correctly.  Interestingly the sight I found gave a meaning behind the belt colors.

White-Since white represents purity, the belt is given to a novice learner who has no prior knowledge of this field.

Yellow-given to a karate beginner and symbolizes a new birth just as a seed begins to grow

*That black stripe was a reminder that sometimes we have to try again.  We should be thankful for opportunities to try again, for there are times in life in which we fail that we must accept grace and just move on.

Green -symbolizes the color of spring, growth as if a green plant sprouts out of the ground

There are more advanced belts, but I believe we spend much of our lifetime bouncing between yellow and green. Black stripes say "Keep on keeping on!"  Ironically, it is those black stripe seasons, and the reflection of those seasons where we truly become greater.  Those are also usually sweet seasons where we find ourselves closer to our Savior.

There is no true victory without endurance.  I love the definition of victory-"success in a struggle against difficulties or an obstacle".  We really want to skip the "difficulties" part.

There is also no true character without endurance.

....we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character....Romans 5:3-4

It's important to know that some difficulties are self-inflicted.  Other sufferings are heaped on without any wrongdoing.  God works through both circumstances to bring about triumph as we endure.

So hey you

-with your left arm breaks, the playground fight and your first break-up

You and the hard work put in on that technology project that took hours of your time and though fabulous still didn't win

Because of less than stellar report cards and criticism from coaches

Rejoice, for God uses our sufferings.

You have overcome.

Though you have overcome, know you will repeat  the cycle of suffering/success.

It's the cycle of character.

As a nervous and doting mom, but one who trusts in God's promises- I pray for endurance

-for endurance is the stuff victory is made of.

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Gifts wrapped in prayer for an almost sixteen year old

Hunger

Amazement

You

Discernment

E

N

Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers  Psalm 1:1-3

 

Hayden.  You're a fact maniac.  You know your trivia.  I know this will come in handy in life.  You're intelligent too. Being full of knowledge can make life easier.  But having  information and the know-how isn't as important as the world makes it out to be.

On the contrary, the know-how often is merely a means to power, money and things.  Information is a highway that, by worldly ways,  leads to bigger and better "things".  Not to knock knowledge, but there is another characteristic I pray finds its place in your heart.

Discernment.

It's not just what you know, but what you do with what you know. It's through discernment that you know when to stand, when to remain silent and how to serve.

Discernment is akin to wisdom.  Surely you remember young Solomon, the new king, and his request:

So give your servant an understanding heart

to judge your people to discern between good and evil. 

It was pleasing in the sight of the Lord that Solomon had asked this thing.

1 Kings 3:10

What you may not remember is King David's charge to Solomon before his death:

"....be strong, act like a man,

3 and observe what the Lord your God requires:

Walk in obedience to him,

and keep his decrees and commands,

his laws and regulations,

as written in the Law of Moses.

Do this so that you may prosper in all you do and wherever you go....." 

1 Kings 2:2b,3

I'm no theologian but I can't help but think that King David was describing the path to discernment. There is no wisdom without the word of God.

Hayden I leave you with the same charge.

Be strong.  Pour over the words that God has written to instruct you.  Though the world beguiles you, stay faithful to those words.  It won't be easy.  Just like Solomon, your first step in being wise will be asking God for the wisdom he so generously gives.  You will prosper.  I can't wait to be a witness to it all.

 

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Gifts wrapped in prayer for an almost sixteen year old

 Hunger

Amazement

 You

 D

 E

 N

I think I'll address you directly

Dear Hayden,

Dear YOU,

I've spent countless hours telling you what to say and what not to say. "Do this", "try not to......".   I've tried to refine your character when it probably seemed more like I was trying to redefine or change you.

But I want you to know, that I pray God will grant you a love for "you" just as you are.  I've taught you all that is important to me, as mothers do, counting it a privilege to invest in your life.  You have been filled with ideas, traditions and beliefs that I hold dear; many I pray you will hold dear too.

But God didn't intend for you to be a miniature version or a mixture of me and your dad.  You're a blueprint all your own.  And you weren't designed by your dad or me, but by a master designer.  That should give you great confidence to be who you were designed to be.

I lovingly remember your second grade school picture.  You had a cute blue checked button-up shirt that we both agreed you should wear.  Our disagreement came to the undershirt.  For several years you insisted on wearing a white t-shirt under all of your shirts.  On picture day, the only clean white shirt had an iron-on picture of you holding up a fish you had caught.

You wanted your shirt unbuttoned. I wanted the image of you hidden; safely buttoned up- and I told you to keep your shirt buttoned.  When the bell rang signaling the school day's end, you emerged from school with your shirt buttoned; good boy!

It was only when the picture package came home in your backpack that I pulled out your pictures. There you were with a smile as big as Texas with your shirt unbuttoned revealing your image on your bright white shirt.  Busted!

I don't know why I was so intent on making you keep your shirt buttoned.  Truthfully, that's the one school picture that is impressed upon my memory.

For so many years I've hemmed you in.  But I know you're a creation not to be tampered with.  I want people to see you as you are; the you that showed up on picture day. -The "you" fully revealed.

I want you to see you as you are; a most loyal guy.

You're someone with a great sense of humor like the water trick you pulled on Rylie.

You're the sweet kid that puts his arm around me at church telling me that you're glad I'm your mom.

You're the one that made me smile when you made up a secret handshake with the little girl who was following you.

You gave a bible to the kid at school who said he didn't believe in God; the kid with no friends.  You ripped out the book of Revelations so you wouldn't "scare" him off.

I've yet to know someone who can be more engaging than you can be, though there are times I watch you sit back and fade in a crowd. That's part of who you are too.

I could sit and listen to you for hours, and I wish now that I'd spent much more time doing just that.

In tough times and when you're not feeling successful I pray that you will remain thankful for how God designed you and that you'll be assured that you're enough.  In better times, I hope that you'll give God credit and glory for plans he has for you.

Be you

Bea-u-tiful You!

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I've mentioned a few times that our God's Girlies family has grown with the addition of some young ladies who have it in their hearts to serve our preteens through mentoring.  One Thursday a month, one of these fabulous girls will be highlighted. That which is being shared comes from an application each girl completed.

Rebekah is one of these lovely girls.

Your testimony:

I was saved the summer I was going to sixth grade.  I was at Preteen camp and there was just this feeling of completeness when I finally accepted Christ.

What made you want to be a mentor?

I really wanted to do it because I wish that I would have had a mentor when I was that age; someone else to talk to.

A Bible verse that has had great meaning in your walk with Christ:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,

and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you

and learn from me,

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls. 

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

What is something you wish you had known when you were a preteen that you now know after growing in Christ and maturing in your faith?

I wish that it would have been stressed to me about not going to your friend for everything. - Just go to God first.

Pray for our mentors as they grow in their walk and live out their faith.  If you see one of them, hug their necks and let them know how thankful you are for their witness.  I know I'm thankful.

 If you have something to share on "A Thursday for Your Thoughts" 
send it to kristiburden@gmail.com

Preteen girls, moms, aunts and grandmas, remember that "A Pumpkin Project" is this Sunday at 3:30 in Edu 102 where Rebekah and Brittany will be leading fifth grade girls and up in our devotion.  Don't miss it.

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Hayden turns eighteen on Thursday.  I wrote about him last week, but this birthday week and whole "Senior" thing has me feeling rather melancholy.  Sitting in a pile of laundry with wet hair, my to do list waiting for me, I went back to a few old posts written before his sixteen birthday. I am lamenting.

And so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be "that mom".  I'm going to recycle this post and who knows maybe a few others to memorialize days past and to share hopes to come. If you don't read them that's ok.  I will.  I'll click on this sight, if for no other reason, to look at him when he still had baby teeth and thought he was a superhero.  I'm going to share this post today because I'm sad about the six-foot something kid who has plans to leave the nest in eight months and for some odd reason I need the world to know there's a little sorrow under the smile I wear.  Mixed in with the sad I'm also hopeful and excited in a ( "with God all things are possible") way that can't be expressed in less than five thousand words. Lastly, I'm reusing the old stuff because the old stuff is still true stuff and at some point I still need to dry my hair.

Extraordinary

One of my favorite things about Hayden is his ability to be amazed at the the mundane.

He is engrossed in the ordinary. 

There was a time when this drove me nuts.


Stopping to observe a stray cat, a rock, and every piece of litter on the sidewalk slowed me down.  It got me out of my groove.  My routine offers little time for pause.

He touches everything in sight. It's as if everything he comes in contact with begs to be studied (this doesn't usually include schoolwork). I'm positive he could tell you what all fifty-two buttons on the remote are for.  He's tried them all, I'm sure of it.

I've told him to never commit a crime because his fingerprints will be all over the scene.

Hayden doesn't see a stick, he sees a javelin.  He doesn't see a Dr Pepper can, but a piece of art.  A fork paired with a glass of milk becomes an unwritten piece of music.

Hayden grabs on to things other people would neglect to notice.  This was a bit of a problem when Hayden was smaller when it came to shopping.  On more than several occasions, random items appeared in my shopping basket.  My current back problems I have to this day are from jimmying him into the basket when he was too big to be there.    I was often an aisle hog so that he couldn't reach items on the shelves of either side. Aisle hogs annoy me now.....so soon we forget.

One trip to Wal Mart, post-shopping cart age, I realized his amazement with the ordinary.  As I quickly piled groceries at the check-out, I noticed that Hayden had taken a sudden deep interest in the conveyor belt.  He was touching it, lifting it up and peering underneath.  It would, never in a million years, have occurred to me to look under there.  I hadn't the least bit amazement with how my groceries got from point a to point b.

I do life.

Hayden experiences it.

The show "Amazing Race" comes to mind.  And while I've never watched it, the name makes me think.  I'm not sure that its simply "the race" that is so amazing. I'm quite convinced that life becomes amazing when you see the wondrous in the midst of the race.

Even if it means stopping.

 Even if it means taking the long way for something that may not seem worthwhile. 

Even if you're not in first place at the race's end. 

I think Hayden is a champion.

I pray that this gift; his willingness to stop and be amazed, will never die.  I pray that he will be mindful that every sunset and every piece of architecture has God's name written on it.  I pray that his amazement will be a testimony to the glory of God.

I have been touched, seeing beauty and purpose in unlikely places through his eyes and hands.  I have come to believe, that it is through this very gift, that Hayden will leave his fingerprint on this world.

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A Prayer for

Hunger

A

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D

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Hayden has a seemingly ever-increasing appetite.  I set the limit on milk at five gallons a week.  Hayden drinks more milk than the rest of us combined.  He fills his glass to the rim; sometimes over the rim.  But you know what they say, milk does the body good.

He eats pizza, and well, anything on his plate, like a ravenous beast.  It's like he can't get enough of what's on his plate.  I suspect he would still lick the plate if I let him.

We will celebrate Hayden's sixteenth birthday on October 30.  Some gifts I want for Hayden won't come wrapped in brightly colored paper. 

One meaningful gift I pray that Hayden will encounter in the years to come is a hunger; one that reaches beyond steak and eggs.  I pray that Hayden will grow in his hunger for God and for His word.

And as he hungers, I trust that he will continually be fed by the word and by the spirit of God.

I pray that through this hunger, a desire would arise to be the man God has purposed him to be.

Blessed are those

who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

 for they will be filled.

 -Matthew 5:6

I look to the evidences that Hayden is being physically filled; greasy fingers from fried chicken and a milk moustache.  I picture Hayden's growing frame; every time I turn around, his sleeves have inched up his growing forearms.  He has increased in stature so quickly that my eyes and my heart are strained from watching its speed.  Yet I pray he will find that deeper hunger.  I trust that he will be filled.  And as I continue to watch him grow, I will be thankful.

 

 

 

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As a mom you want to give your children all they need to be whole.  Hayden is quickly approaching sixteen.  Regarding gifts which lead to wholeness, I've spent hours lately wondering if I've given Hayden just those things.

I think about the gifts I've fretted over; gifts I've searched for, and gifts that put an ache in my back as I've sat hunched dutifully wrapping box after box.  Most of those gifts served the purpose of bringing about temporary joy and a floor full of wrapping paper. There may have even been a few gifts that brought disappointment.

Thankfully he doesn't remember, but for his first Christmas, he received diapers, formula and rubber teething blocks. What a thrill! I'm pretty sure there were a couple of times underwear, socks or clothes of some sort were unwrapped to his secret displeasure.

Then there was that one gift we gave Hayden when he turned three. He excitedly ripped back paper to reveal his very first big boy bible with his full name embossed on the cover, "Hayden Fowler Burden".  I remember how he sweetly smiled and said, "Wow, let's see what's next!" ( interpreted: gift FAIL!)

 

Hayden's childhood is fading.

And while he is still entertained by simple joys like snapping pencils and catching food tossed at his mouth (who doesn't enjoy those things?) the gifts Hayden will receive this year will be less focused on entertainment.  My gift giving perspective is changing.

I don't want to give Hayden more gifts that will end up under his bed or gifts that he will quickly outgrow. I want to give gifts that will bring about smiles and excitement.  But the gifts I've got my heart set on giving this birthday won't have a price tag or an immediate wow factor.

I want the gifts his dad and I give him to be gifts that will be treasured; if not now, later, and for the long run.  I want to bless Hayden with gifts that will serve him into adulthood. We want to gift him in a way that will bless others and ultimately bring Glory to his father.

The gifts will be wrapped in prayer.  Over the next week, my posts will be devoted to praying for meaningful gifts to give the boy in my life who has brought me more joy than I can express.

Endure a mother's heart.

 

 

 

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"Mom!....

Watch Unicorn and make sure she doesn't get any ideas".

-Rylie's words last November as she chained her mystical pet to the chair

Unicorns are magical beasts; symbols of freedom and beauty.  They aren't to be tamed.  They are only chained at will.

Choosing to be bound, to be limited is beyond me; this coming from one who too often allows myself to be earthly tethered.

The world calls me friend; says that I belong to it.  The world feeds me; lies no doubt, but I gladly partake.

Here are some of those lies:

Lie #1- I must be the perfect mom; one who never loses important papers and never "loses it". If I'm a good mom, I remain calm while carting everybody around for activities, helping with homework and refereeing sibling rivalries.  To be the perfect mom I'm not allowed to forget lunch money.

Lie #2-My house should always look the way it looks when I have company over.  I'm supposed to have the ceiling fans dusted and toilets scrubbed.  The living room is not complete without the decorative pillows being fluffed and rearranged.  The meals I make should be made cheaply, while looking and tasting heavenly though low-calorie and low cholesterol.

Lie #3-To be, all that I can be, I must be (1. the perfect mom and 2. superior homemaker)  while looking my best.  To do this, exercising is a must as is the wearing the latest fashion.

Lie#4-When I fail at the above mentioned, I should pretend that I have it all together.  If I don't feel comfortable pretending, I can always consider ways that the fellow woman falls short, in turn lifting the spirits.

Other Lies from the world

-what my neighbor has is better than what I have.

-the moment where nothing seems to be going right (when I'm flat broke, my hair is flat and my tire is too...)

-that moment is everything.

- mistakes aren't meant to be forgotten; they're meant to be carried on my back along with my guilt and shame.  Women are strong enough to push through, carrying it all, right?

-if my children aren't behaving/performing properly, I'm doing something wrong

-my husband is responsible for my happiness

My ability is proportionate to my value.

My appearance is proportionate to my value.

My "being good" and "doing good" is proportionate to my value.

I know better.

And yet I stay, in the world and regretfully (so often) of it.

Though ransomed and free, I'm willingly on a leash that leads me in a way opposite to the everlasting.

It's where the accuser wants me as he whispers through the worlds' ways, "Watch Kristi....And make sure she doesn't get any ideas".

....greater is He who is in you

than he who is in the world. -1 John 4:4

I'd love to hear from you kristiburden@gmail.com