Monthly Archives: August 2014

-There's the cute boy with rolled up jean shorts and a mic. surrounded by four other smooth voices that know how to dance and how to make "Howdy Houston" sound way exciting. And the teenage girls with deafening screams holding up thick Marks-a lot lettered poster boards spelling out "Marry Me Niall" and "I love you Harry". Guess where I was Friday night? Hallie and I lucked into One Direction tickets. I felt as if I'd been transported back to 1988 to The New Kids on the block concert.  (NKOTB  was the boy band of my days.)

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It wasn't so long ago that I don't remember. Those boy bands; a combination of perfect faces and lyrics that make you feel like you're somebody special.

Yes.  New Kids on the block was the boy band of the late eighties and I had a favorite band member. "Mine" was Jordan Knight. He had perfect hair even while rocking it out on stage; hair more perfect than I and my spray bottle of Aussie ever dreamed of constructing with that permed mop of mine. My eighth grade year a friend of mine scored tickets to their concert in Dallas. And she invited me!

I remember seeing a black limousine with tinted windows as we arrived at the concert. I pressed my face close to the window just in case that was them, you know….THEM! I needed them, well Jordan, to be able to see me. If not in the parking lot or shuffling to our seats, I desperately wanted Jordan to see me standing in front of my seat, tiny speck that I'd be- three hundred yards away- amongst forty thousand other tiny specks, singing along to "The Right Stuff".

Because even though he had better hair than I did, and a smooth voice and all the right lines, and millions of fans…..if he knew me…… No. If he'd just see me, he'd know that I was someone special. He'd want to get to know me. He'd think I had nice hair too. And even my shy awkward mumblings and my tendency to avoid eye contact wouldn't keep him from seeing that I was beautiful. That I was special. I had that kind of hope that night.

That same kind of hope was palpable last night.

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I watched my daughter smile in a way that I seldom see. She was in the company of a multitude; bright smiles singing

You're insecure,
Don't know what for,
You're turning heads when you walk through the door,
Don't need make-up,
To cover up,
Being the way that you are is enough,...........
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell,
You don't know,
Oh, oh,
You don't know you're beautiful,

 

There were so many voices. Deafening voices that drowned out the lyrics meant for them. Still, they listened hard; they listened beyond to the words they so longed to hear. They listened to the words meant for them.

But I tell you. I could have spent the entire night watching a 'somewhere around seventeen-year-old girl' two rows in front of me who graced her brown hot-rolled hair with a daisy crown of sorts. She danced. And she sang. And she danced and she sang some more like there was nobody else in that stadium but her, that rocking headband of hers, and the boy band. At one point, the lights flashed and then it went dark. The band vanished in smoke.  The screaming continued, but I do believe that her dear heart near stopped beating.

Minutes passed. Purposeless minutes. And then the boys were back. She melted. She covered her mouth with her hands and sobbed the happy kind of sob that comes when everything makes sense. She shook. She dissolved. She was once again in their presence.

THAT was enough.

In their presence, she was enough.

Silly as it may seem, this is most every young girl's heart. It may have been winning the affections of  a boy's band member (who turned forty years old in the blink of an eye), or wanting to earn the affections of "this or that boy" at school, or just wanting to be accepted and loved by those around you

when you sing every line right,

or when you sing a different tune,

even when you feel life hasn't given you lines to sing.

School is here again. And I'm like "Daisy" (the headband girl) when the boys disappeared from the stage. I think something wonderful is over.

I've played with my girls. They've had a summer of protection where bad hair days are allowed. They've been loved and doted on by seldom seen family. They've watched age-old sitcoms on Netflix where every problem is solved in twenty-four minutes. I'm nervous for them. I know that's unchristian of me being worried and downright afraid,……but I am.

School is nothing like a boy band concert.

I know a girl's heart; the one that beats in this near four decade old heart and the one I believe beats in the heart of my eight year old, in the heart of my thirteen year old, and I believe beats in the heart of the girl you know too. We want to be loved. In the midst of the crowd, we want to feel both -not alone-, and like we're the only one. We want to be sang to; words that echo who are.

My prayer is that it will be more revealed to my girls, and to "almost had a heart attack 'Daisy" and to the other girls out there,  that they are loved and cherished.

I want them to know, not just in their head, but know in their heart, that they are wonderfully made.

I know there will be days when they dance and sing believing that.

But there will be other days.

Dark days when they feel abandoned. Days when it feels that even "The One Who Loves Them More Than Any Other" has disappeared; HE HAS NOT.  He is still there; not on some distant stage. I pray they will wait for and long for HIS company.  I pray that those days of sadness, their lonliness, their confusion about life and it's struggles are temporary. I pray that it's through these times that they will know him not from a distance. He is near.

I hope that they will really know, I hope YOU really know girls......

Boy bands, as awe inspiring as they are, come and go.

But

The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

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Boy band lovers.

Girls across the globe.

These words are meant for you.

 

Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers,

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 but whose delight is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night. Psalm 1;1-2

I grew up hearing the word "blessed". I grew up singing it, really, without much understanding as to what the word meant. I've blessed dozens of "sneezers" too. I just thought it was the right thing to do.

I learned somewhere along the way though, that the word "blessed" means "happy", "encouraged".

It's made my reading of the psalms easier.

Blessed is the man-Happy/encouraged is the man.

Psalm 1 tells me-

Happy and encouraged is the man who DOES NOT
walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers.

That's great to know.

Even better, I love how verse one goes from being casually acquainted with sin (walking in step) to something more abiding (sitting in the company).

I can think of times I've spoken to someone in passing. I say "Hey, how have you been?". They respond.  And I make a quick comment about my personal business, ("This summer has been crazy busy").

Then I go.

Sometimes I'll stop and (standing) have a quick conversation with somebody.

But if I intentionally sit down with someone, you can guarantee I'm getting comfy. I'm going to be there a while.

I have to tell you where I've been sitting.

Several months after we moved to Nederland, I bought an oversized comfy brown chair with a matching ottoman for Jason. It was a nice alternative to some of the more unbecoming recliners he'd expressed interest in.

Before I knew it, this chair was the one I'd catch myself sitting in first thing in the morning and last thing before I went upstairs to bed.  Occasionally I fold laundry while I'm sitting there.  Sometimes I settle down in its inviting cushion beside one of my guys, and we talk about our day.

But mostly, I get on my iphone and read.

I skim Facebook paying attention to posts of friends telling funny kid stories.  I stop for a picture of my nephew losing his first tooth. I watch videos of babies with contagious laughs and people who bring Simon Cowell to tears with their unimaginably, unexpected beautiful voices.  And I feel encouraged, happy.......blessed.

Sitting in "that",  is just dandy.

What gets me into trouble are those sensational headlines put out by media outlets.

Allen West Declares Obama An Islamist

10 Celebrities Who Are Openly Bisexual

Comedy great Robin Williams hanged himself at home

Nigeria fears Ebola spread to east by infected nurse

Obama urges police to respect protestors in Ferguson, Missouri

If you've scrolled down the Yahoo News website today, you'll see those articles.  With maddening certainty, I click on the articles and I read them.

News isn't just information.  News has become a platform for political and moral/amoral agenda.  The news lies; maybe not always an outright lie but by omitting important parts of truth. That makes me angry.

Reading of terror and revolting realities wraps me in fear.

I'd say that's wicked company to be sitting with. But daily I find myself walking in that way, reading the garbage.  For those of you who are able to read responsibly, I applaud you.  Really I do.

Psalm 1 goes on to say [Blessed is the one who doesn't] sit in the company of mockers.

For crying out loud, I read biased and scandalous accounts and then I think them over.  All. day. long.....

I get hyperfocused and then down right depressed.  Ask anybody who's had the misfortune of being in my company after said reading.

The news is largely a joy killer and hope stealer.

And I wonder, Where's my happy?

I've decided I'm going on a news fast.  I'm hoping writing my intentions will add some resolve.  I'm in agreement of the importance of being informed of necessary local and world matters; things on which I should pray.  I'm not quite sure how to go about being informed without having a soul sit-down with wicked.

Maybe with less news on my lips I'll have more time to make that question a matter of prayer.

I want to become one whose delight (and focus) is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night. (Psalm 1;2)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Say a prayer for me as I learn to better sit in the company of the great Almighty.

 

I was told Sunday on the way to church by one of the kids that I was a buzzkill.  I tried to protest and sought defenders, but the two other siblings were silent. Guilty I guess. I'm moody.

My record has been bad this week. I near ruined our annual school shopping trip yesterday. One of the girls complained of being hungry. The other wasn’t happy with the number of stores we had to go to. I lit into them about how good we have it. I explained how we don’t even know what hunger is and how we should be thankful that we’re able to get all of the “things” that we need for school.

I spilled my sorrow recounting what I’d read that morning about Christians in Iraq. I told them how families, the lucky ones, have found themselves homeless having been able to flee ISIS (Islamic State in Iraq and Syria) terrorists. The less fortunate ones’ lives have been snuffed out, as they were unable to escape. All this, simply for their belief in God. A quick guilt trip imparted, I’d straightened up their attitudes and done my holy emoting for the day.

We went back to our shopping.

We bought apple-scented detangler and pink mouthwash with cute “bubble” characters on the label. And after several attempts, we found jeans that don’t look painted on. We tried on sparkly shirts. We had strawberry lemonade and peach tea for lunch with free refills; accompanied with laughter.  I’d almost forgotten how devastated I’d been that morning reading about persecuted Christians in Iraq. 

 

 

Picture credit: nrb.org
Picture credit: nrb.org

Just Saturday I changed my profile picture to the symbol recognized for supporting these Christians.

The symbol is the Arabic letter “N” standing for “Christian” or “Nasrani (Nazarene)”. This symbol is being spray painted red on the doors of Christian homes and businesses in Iraq. The symbol grants militants permission to seize property inside. Thousands have fled, and thousands have been killed. Fathers have been hung, mothers raped before being killed and children have been beheaded. Children’s heads have been placed on sticks in a park in Mosul.

When I think about this I’m downright devastated; sick to my stomach. That gut-felt emotion is fickle though.   I quickly return to mind-numbed distraction. There are things to do.

Boxes of sharpened number two pencils and packs of matching socks have to be bought. Old and ill-fitting clothes have to be taken out of drawers to make room for new school outfits. Eye and dental appointments have to be made. The husband and I need to find time to work off calories by the thousands that were consumed with dips and brownies and too many soft drinks. Back to the gym. Back to school. Back to new Bible studies and a new year of children’s choir and twirling and youth activities.

The world is in peril. But we’re busy.

I changed my profile picture. And I told the kids of the horror in Iraq. I even made sure my sister who called this morning, who doesn’t watch TV knew how bad things are for our Christian brothers and sisters there. I’m even telling you.

I’m heartbroken, for a moment, like I was when I heard that Miriam Ibrahim,a young Sudanese woman, was being sentenced to death for her faith.

-Like I was for Saeed who is unfairly imprisoned in Iran. I still “get sad” when I read pleas from his wife for prayer.

It’s my duty to feel sorrow for such injustice and terror. So I fulfill my duty and then return to my life of prosperity blaming a full schedule for my lack of genuine Christian love. I’m troubled enough with the constant flurry of activity.

Still, I’m burdened with the truth. These Christians, in constant fear of death, don’t need our fleeting pity. They don’t need our likes on Facebook underneath a Christian Post article, updating us on the situation. They don’t need a moment’s sorrow or a heavy sigh when we stumble upon harrowing pictures of lifeless children. They need us to pray.

Pray hard.

Pray constantly.

The senseless and violent killing is hard to fathom because we are so far removed from such a life. That makes it hard to pray. Attempting to imagine what these people are going through is even harder. Thus we distract ourselves with the meaningless tasks of life, like serving the recommended daily allowance of fruit or making sure that our daughters get shoes that won’t earn them disapproving glances during PE.

We ought to live thankful lives for all that God has done for us; not forgetting the grace he has shed on us. We ought to be praying for our children; for endless matters such as the friendships they will make, for anxiety that they will likely endure, for good and understanding teachers.

But we ought to never be too busy to pray for those removed from these sorts of comforts.   Pray obediently. Praying sincerely. Love must be sincere -Romans 12:9

A sincere love surely prays.

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

Colossians 4:6

The mountains are shaking
Could this be a great awakening

Break our hearts
With the things that break Yours
Wake us up to see through Your eyes
Break our hearts
With the things that break Yours
And send us out to shine in the darkness

It's time to move outside our comfort zone
To see beyond our churches and our homes
To change the way we think and how we spend
Until we look like Jesus again

 

-song lyrics for Break our Hearts by Vicky Beeching

 

2 Comments

I have admired your portraits for years; especially the grand family photos where every family member smiles vibrantly while wearing matching colors; carefully posed like a pyramid of bright-faced varsity cheerleaders. Professional. Picture perfect. unnamed (74) We've had a couple of family pictures taken by your company as you provide your service at churches making those awesome church directories. Those directories have come in handy when I need an address. Or when I forget what name goes with what face of someone in church.

Anyway, I sat in my formal dining room two nights ago facing our family photo you did back in 2003. You covered up our blemishes. Nobody is complaining about having to take the photo.  Nobody is whining in the photo. No bunny ears. With the aid of your flashing bulb and umbrella, our near perfect skin is practically glowing. I like the 2012 portrait in our entryway even better. I was in a better hair era for one thing. I think I'd better learned by that time about clothing coordination too. We all have smiles on our faces; the proverbial best foot forward.

No one would guess us hooligans.

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 Dressed to the nines, your pictures make it look very much like we have it all together. I thank you for that because honestly there are times I want us to appear as the All American family (like on our Christmas cards) and sometimes when I need reassurance that I'm not wrecking things, and….. well, on every Sunday morning.

You have dressed the walls in our home nicely.

 But I must admit. The more time that passes, I'm realizing that it's our blemishes and unposed moments that have invaded the deepest part of my soul.

It's the candid exposure of Hayden's affectionate nature and the pictures of Rylie where even her eyebrows are creased in laughter that fill my heart.

unnamed (75) a3   I love honest illustrations of Hallie's individuality.

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 I love how when facing the camera, Jason pats my lower back rhythmically, somehow pacing himself to correctly time when his eyes should be open. I roll in laughter when he mis-times four pictures in a row. Because these kinds of pictures aren't so serious.

My favorite pictures are becoming the ones where hairs are out of place and kids are caught sharing a sweet moment together.  I like the ones where they're being their mischievous selves too.  Pictures with Cherry Chill dotted noses and baby arms with chubby rolls are the ones I cherish. I love pictures, like the time Hallie got a special gift for her thirteenth birthday; times where we're caught up in a special moment.

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Likely your portraits will always adorn my walls. They're special. But it's the snapshots of impish grins and sun-kissed babes in bathing suits that will decorate my heart.a9