Monthly Archives: October 2016

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I don't have one iota of obsession or compulsion in me. I'm not a neat freak. I don't care how the eggs are lined up in the egg crate contrary to the Facebook quiz that gives egg line-up options. 

I have an affinity for Dr. Pepper but I wouldn't say I have an obsession. I can drink a Coke just as easy. Off-kilter pictures hanging on the wall or unstraightened rug fringe doesnt bother me either. I'm not even concerned that my ear holes aren't balanced. My right earring always hangs just a little lower than my left. 

I'm cool with that. 

But for some reason I'm compulsive about the bat boots I'm wearing.

It's "Drug Awareness" week. Today is Superhero day at Helena Park. Not wanting to buy a costume or even a new tshirt, I scavenged the girls' drawers for something to wear.

 Lucky for me, I found a crumpled-up batman shirt. I wish it fit better. Batman has no time for shirt tugging. 

To offset my ill-fitting shirt I borrowed the new bat "boot covers"  I bought our youngest for her Halloween costume.  They're a nice stretchy material and fit over my jeans. 

Still, they're not all that nice. They  don't cover my shoes like they're supposed to. They keep scootching up revealing my old non-batman sneakers underneath. 

I applied a large amount of doubled-up packing tape to my shoes in an attempt to hold the boot covers properly in place. It's not working and now I make a crinkling sound when I walk. 

I don't feel like Batman. 

I can't wait to take this stuff off. All the other teachers are wearing cute capes. Why didn't I wear a cape?

My bat boots aren't the only thing I feel uncomfortable in.

I'm uncomfortable with my inability to properly check off enough boxes on my to-do list. I'm not comfortable with my attitude when plans go awry. I still find myself battling vanity and the age-old sin of comparison. 

The closest thing I have to an obsession is my chronic focus on my inadequacy. 

I need a better covering. 

Too often (when I'm not Batman) I'm Eve. (You know, that other improperly covered character). Like Eve, I'm fully aware of my, so to speak, nakedness. And also like Eve, I either hide or try to fashion my own covering.  

Trying to be who I'm purposed to be in my own strength is about as ridiculous as trying to make clothes out of fig leaves. 

Why didn't she trust that she was  enough just as she was? Did she hear God say that what He'd made was very good?

Didn't she know she had everything she'd ever need at her disposal? Her life wasn't lacking in terms of what she needed. 

She really didn't need that forbidden fruit. (Yes I know. I would've accepted the serpent's offer too. In fact I have a problem of listening to his lies). 

Why did she hide? Didn't she know God knew? Why not just confess her mess-up to her maker? 

And when she realized she was still uncovered, hidden there amongst the brush , did she really think those crafty fig leaves would do the trick? 

I'm just as bad. 


I continually try to be who I think I should be in my own strength and in my own ingenuity disregarding the beauty that I'm made with a better and more easily-achieved purpose. 

I'm made to love my creator...and to be  loved by my creator. 

How about you? 

Can we just take the boots off?

Can we just take the gloves off and stop fighting the battle of inadequacy on our own? 

Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.

Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit..

When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long...

Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD"-- and you forgave the guilt of my sin...

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance...

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you...

Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.

 Psalm 32

And God's people said...

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I'm on to my kids. I may not be able to hear a question they ask me standing a foot away, but I can hear the fridge door open and close when someone's trying to sneak cookie dough. I usually know too when there's something they're not telling me. And thanks to the online Parent Portal, I can know my kids' grades with the click of a few buttons. 

It's so annoying. 

When Hayden was in high school I checked it like I check my kids when they have fever; over and over as if my tenacity would cause an instant and dramatic improvement.  There were always at least several bad grades between the three kids and they always had an explanation.  Constantly checking grades to try to avoid or remedy bad ones, stressed me out. So I stressed them out. 

Poor Hayden. Being the firstborn, he's been my parenting guinea pig. I call him Experiment 627 (He's named after the famous Disney alien character Stitch who was referred to as "Experiment 626"). I tried a variety of bad grade discipline measures on him. 

  • The Guilting/Shame Technique (I can go for hours. Though I'm excellent at it,  it wears out the whole family and is ineffective 
  • The Terrorizing Technique- This is an offshoot of the "I brought you into the world and I can take you out" brand of discipline. It's the "I'll make your life miserable" way of saying your grades better come up. 
  • The Reward Technique- Only after we were desperate, did we join the ranks of parents who told their children that their education was their job. We offered to pay him for good grades. This was one of the more effective strategies, but still,... it didn't help that much. 
  • The Punishment Technique- This is where we would ground him for bad grades. We'd take his phone away which probably would have worked except for two things-

1. I couldn't stalk him on the "Find your iPhone" app if he didn't have his phone. 

2. I've never been that good at sticking with long term punishment. 

I could have just grounded him to where he had to stay at home, but strangely, that guy likes to stay home. 

The kids grades haven't been that terrible really. I think about how my grief could have been better expended on disciplining them for episodes where they displayed a lack of character than for mediocre grades. 

I'll tell you (like most parents would)  that my kids are at least average in intelligence. Hallie is a sophomore this year. Like Hayden, she's no overachiever. "B's are great. Who needs an "A" when making a "B" is so much easier?" They have a tendency to be under-concerned about their grades. 

I'm trying something new. 


I'm turning my back on kids.

 (Kind of).  

With Hallie, and to a lesser extent with Rylie, I'm trying a new technique. I like to call it "The Blind-Eye Technique". It's a technique that has been born out of frustration and exhaustion by my bearing the undue burden of their grades.  This first six weeks I've rarely asked Hallie what grades she's making and I've only checked grades online maybe two or three times. 

If she knows she has a "C" in a certain class, she's been instructed to go to tutoring until the grade is brought up. That's it. I drop that hot cake in her lap. I've rarely asked about her grades this six weeks. It's up to her to know what her grade is. It's her responsibility to bring the grade up, not mine (by use of the unaffective, above mentioned techniques. It's on her to let me know when her grade has been brought up. 

In their defense, they've both taken  Pre-Ap classes that I never took. I made a handful of"C's" back in the day in classes that weren't advanced. So a little grace on my part is probably merited. 

It's just that with "Blind Eye" technique they learn that improving a bad grade is up to them. My kids can hopefully gain responsibility through knowing that the longer a bad grade goes unnoticed, the more effort that will be required to fix it.  

What about the days they're having to sit in tutoring because their bad grade was due to negligence and not a misunderstanding of a concept? (You know, when they have to sit in tutoring with nothing to do?) That's ok too. Sometimes silence and boredom are louder than my bad grade speeches. 

Six week report cards come out today. What grade will the "Blind Eye" technique make? 

One more thing. I'm thankful that Parent Portal is there when I want to know my kids grades (and when I want a reason to be crazy). 

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I remember vividly a day during school recess when I was about seven. Someone had broken my paper-thin heart and I was in tears. Not wanting anyone to know, I curled myself up like a cat and hid inside a tractor tire that was partially buried on the playground. Thankfully, a friend a year older than myself talked me into coming out. 
Have you ever been good at hiding? 

I'm not just talking about when you were little. What about now?

Do you hide from your past? From responsibility? From perceived danger? Do you hide for fear of failure? 

Moses spent part of his life in hiding. It wasn't his fault to begin with. Because of an order given by Pharaoh to kill all born males, his mother hid him for three months at which point "she could hide him no longer" (Exodus 2:3). 

We know she then placed him in a basket where he was retrieved by attendants of Pharaoh's daughter. Moses, soon after, became her son. 

It's years later, when Moses is grown, that we find him hiding again. This happens on the tail of Moses seeing an Egyptian beating a Hebrew slave. 

Glancing this way and that and seeing no one, he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand. (Ex. 2:12)

The next day Moses is found out and naturally he's fearful. Pharaoh has heard the news and wants Moses dead. Moses flees, seeking security, and ends up in Midian. 

You know this story. He marries Zipporah. They have a son which Moses names Gershom. He then comments "I have become an alien in a foreign land" (Ch 2:27). He intentionally geographically "settles in" where he says he doesn't belong. Kind of sounds like hiding doesn't it?

A long time passes. The Israelites are groaning in enslavement while Moses is still in Midian tending to his father-in-law's flock. One day as he and his flock approach Mt Horeb (the mountain of God), we recall that famous "burning bush". Within it was an angel who appeared to Moses in flames of fire. 

Moses, in curiosity it seems, approaches the bush so as to see why it isn't burning up. 

The Lord then calls him by name twice and Moses answers "Here I am" (By the way, this is the complete opposite of hiding). God tells him to stop where he is and take off his shoes. He tells Moses that he stands on holy ground and then proceeds to explain "I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob" (v. 6). 

Remember what Moses does next? 

He hides again covering his face. Only this time he doesn't escape to a covert place. He's simply too scared to look upon the glory of God. 

God explains the situation in Egypt and commissions Moses to bring the Israelites out. 

You would expect Moses to hide at this point, being that he's so good at it. But he doesn't. 

He DOES bring up his inadequacy in speaking and seems to argue with God for a spell. Even after God promises his presence, Moses begs "Please send someone else to do it" (Ch 4:13). 

But he doesn't hide. This is a turning point. 

Focusing on what we know about God, one might think Moses' "Yes! I'll do it" should have been uncomplicated. However, Moses in his humanity has a lot of "buts".

 "But I hate public speaking... But why do you want me to do this when Pharoah isn't going to listen anyway?" 

Moses knew beforehand that Pharaoh wouldn't respond accordingly to his "Let God's people go" speech. God told him that Pharaoh wasn't going to listen. He also hadn't forgotten the bad terms upon which he left Egypt years ago. 

Did Moses exemplify courage under fire?

No matter how afraid and opposed Moses was to the idea of this "free the people plan" (starring "inadequate him"), he obeyed. Moses may have covered his face in fear, but at the same time he faced God. 

He persistently and courageously obeyed. 

With "faltering lips" and Pharaoh's lack of cooperation, and ultimately Pharaoh's threat, Moses (along with Aaron)...
 "did just as the LORD commanded". 

(Upon reading Ch. 7 in Exodus, you'll find this phrase used four times! May we be so obedient.)

God, faithful to his promises, stayed with Moses. He lead his people out of bondage using fire at night to give them light. That same light that guides and protects is ours. His holy fire is our courage. 

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

What enemy fire are you hiding from in fear? 

The name Moses comes from the Hebrew verb "to draw out". God is drawing us out of our hiding place for a greater rescue. What has God already rescued you from?

What is God calling you, to have courage to do now? Are you arguing with him?

Are you facing the fire that seeks to destroy you, with God's fire (a fire that refines you)? Moses approached the burning bush. How do you seek God's holy fire? 

Through obedience, a people was saved, Moses' character was refined, and God's due glory was given. 

The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God and I will praise him... The Lord is a warrior. Exodus 15:2-3

God please help us to come out of hiding to obey. Help us to keep saying "yes" even when we're afraid. Help us to remember that you are our hiding place as we face the fiery darts of the enemy. May we trust you to strengthen us for the task. You desire to refine our character. May we give you glory before we see the results. May we never be forgetful of your work and your power to save us. Amen.