Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin. -Mother Teresa
Ignore the black shirt I'm wearing in this post. I'm in the same shirt on Facebook a couple of times in the past week, with different accessories. It's a comfortable shirt.
And I like comfortable.
We passed this bus last week on our way to Waco. With its red flames in our rear view mirrors, we said we should have taken a picture of it.
Shoulda coulda woulda.
My life is full of those.
I had a terrible dream two nights ago. It was vivid and powerful. Sharing it is somewhat weird because the dream was seriously depressing. I have no idea why I dream so dreadfully, but I do. I have a Stephen King sort of mind. (I have no idea whether or not I should be making that comparison. I've never read or seen anything of his. I just know he's creepy......My dreams are creepy).
In my dream Jason and I were in an unfamiliar church in a small room getting ready for Sunday School. We were with a boy and a man who I assumed to be the boy's father.
Another man walked in and approached us talking in a way that I quickly knew we were going to die at his hand. I looked at Jason for direction. Should we run? Should I say something about Jesus? Beg for my life?
I wasn't ready to die and I knew that it was likely that my choices at this point were of little consequence.
A single thought then overwhelmed me. Surprisingly it WASN'T the things I'd miss out on in the event of my untimely death. l wasn't thinking about not seeing Hayden graduate. I wouldn't see Hallie or Rylie get married, but that's not what I was thinking of either. My heart wasn't even broken at the fact that I hadn't gotten to say goodbye to all those I love.
Rather than thinking of my dying, I was thinking about my living. I remember in facing death there was sorrow in all things I had not done that I'd had the chance to do. -Days I had taken for granted in my living for Friday, comfortable black shirt kind of lifestyle.
Lets' face it. How many lackadaisical days are near empty of worship while I live life according to my own good and self-pleasing will? Is my service faithful? Is my living well done?
Three hundred sixty-five days on repeat I wake up, eat some food, do some stuff, speak to some people and then hit the pillow and think about doing the same thing again. Sure some prayers are strewn in, in thankfulness, adoration and desperation. But those prayers tend to be more about me and in my timing than about an almighty God who is worthy of my everything.
In my dream I was about to lose my life but the thing I cared the most about was how I'd lived all the days that had been "written in (His) book".
We're not promised tomorrow. Not promised it here anyway. Today is the only thing we have control of.
This dream weaved a big thought.
Regret in a fair sense is not what you're going to miss, but rather what you've missed in all the days you were GIVEN. Regret isn't intended to bring about shame, but rather gratitude in another chance and hope that we'll do better with that chance.
Gratitude looks to the Past and love to the Present; fear, avarice, lust and ambition look ahead.
C.S. Lewis
I tell the kids; the only good thing about bad dreams is that they're only dreams.
You wake from them.
Hopefully when they're particularly sobering you literally and FIGURATIVELY wake from them.
At least for now, I'm awake.
Jason and I had several days with our schedules cleared which made room for a clearer mind. We worshiped at our first church and met with other believers at the BGCT convention.
Jason and I broke (a lot) of bread (including West's famous kolaches) with four of FBC's most awesome ladies.
I spent time with some of my dearest friends. Last night we were moved by Sean and Leigh Anne Tuohy (the people who inspired The blind Side)to live a life of giving.
The past few days I was able to rest and experience God's goodness in slower motion. Through that rest and a sobering dream, I'M AWAKE.
I want to stay awake.
As we headed back home, the red flames adorning the"On Fire for Jesus"bus were in our rear view mirror again. This time we looked back after we'd stopped and got a picture. And this time I looked back without regret because, just maybe, I found my fire again.
Or at least a desire for it.
God will take care of the rest.
...Let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably (each day that we're given) with reverence and awe, for "our God is a consuming fire". Hebrews 12:28-29