At a recent Mom’s prayer meeting we were praying for a couple of moms who were having difficulty getting their kiddos into the car-seat without a struggle. I remember those frustrating days. I also remember momentarily feeling some instant freedom when my children were out of car-seats and could buckle themselves in. But as I was praying with these moms I was overcome with sadness. My kids aren’t car-seat babies anymore. And while I don’t have to buckle them in, I CAN’T buckle them in anymore.
Hayden will be sixteen in six months. I won’t always be able to be in the car to tell him to slow down a little quicker when approaching an intersection. Soon when he is finding that special someone, I don’t get to tell him she’s not enough like me. Hallie recently shared a secret with a friend. When I asked her to share it with me she said NO! In the last couple of years some tears have been shed. I haven’t always been next to Hallie, tissue in hand, there to hug her. When Rylie is at school reading and she comes to a word she doesn’t know, I’m not there to sound the word out with her part by part. I have lunch with her at school every Monday while volunteering. Are they always going to let me do that? Is she always going to WANT me to do that? The awful part is, physically and later geographically, the distance will grow as time goes on.
I am thankful that even though my children are growing tall and independent, they still lavish me with hugs. Hayden still puts his arm around me at church. Rylie still crawls in our bed occasionally in the morning. Hallie, our most independent child, spends special girl time just with me once a week. And they all still sometimes hold my hand.
While in the car alone this evening, I heard a song. Instantly I thought of my children. There are times when they will face trials and feel alone. There have already been those times. There are times when I can’t be there; times I can’t fix it- I would if I could. There are times I’ve been the one to let them down. I am more than grateful that I have the blessed assurance that God IS there. The God who sees is with Hayden when he takes that frightening Math test. He is with Hallie when she sits alone. He is right beside Rylie in Sunday School as she is learning who he is.
I’m a little jealous that God sees and knows their every step. He has stolen their hearts, but how can I complain when he has given me eternity with him and with them. I pray that every day on this side of eternity this song would be the song of their heart:
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